Sunday, November 20, 2005
My heart hurts. For the past week I have been trying to block out that my grandmother will be dying. But no matter what I do, it is still there in the back of my mind. Tonight I went to see her. She is in so much pain, and gets sick to her stomach. Why, why, why does she have to be in pain? Why can't she just live the rest of her days feeling half way decent? I really wish I could go back in time for one night...I would pick a night back when she was well and I used to stay with her. If I had one of those nights, this time I would listen, really listen and just take it all in. Unfortunately we can't. I don't want my grandmother to die, but I don't want her to be in pain either. Life royally sucks sometimes.
Tonight when I was talking with Bart, I was asking him why certain things happen, etc. He said "If we didn't experience sorrow, then we wouldn't know happiness" I guess I never thought of it like that.
I want to tell my gram so many things, but I am having a hard time finding the words. I just hope that she knows how I feel. She gave me a bookmark once, and it said "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world." That is how I truly feel about her.