It's all over, the pain and suffering. My sweet gram passed away at 3:05 on January 1st. I guess she waited for the new year. She hadn't really been awake since about Friday December 30. That Thursday night was the last time I really talked to her. I told her that I was going home and the I would be back tomorrow. She told me that she loved me so much. These past few days have been some of the hardest. I knew it was coming, I watched as Cancer took over her body. Yet, I am still in shock. I can't believe that she is truly gone. What am I going to do without her?
The home health nurse told us that she thought it would be in the early morning hours and she was right. I laid on the bed with her. I rubbed her arm and chest and told her to relax, because she has a rattling sound when she was breathing. I know that she could hear me because she would relax her breathing. I told her it was time to rest. I never left her side, and for some reason I had strength. I watched her take her last breath. She was surrounded by family. I am glad that she doesn't have to suffer anymore. She is finally at peace. I have comfort knowing that she is with my grandfather, uncle, and aunt. She can finally meet her dad, and of course Jesus. But it's hard to imagine what it will be like without her. I called her everyday. We talked about all sorts of stuff, and she was the first person I would call when I had a question about Caleb or Meghan, or how to cook something. She just knew the answers.
I went to her house yesterday. It was so hard to be there. I cried when I went into the living room because it smelled like her. I don't want to be there. They gave me her stocking, that I gave her. What am I going to do with that? It was hers. Tomorrow is the wake or viewing. I made a huge collage of pictures I had of her and a poem. The funeral is Thursday. But we can't bury her cause the ground is frozen. That sucks.
Thank you to all who have written emails, or ecards. I appreciate them. Please know that if I don't answer it isn't personal, I just can't right now. In case you are interested her is her obituary.
Here is a link.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28
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