Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Whew! I am so glad that Christmas is over. I love Christmas actually, but this year I have no Christmas spirit as you might have picked up on. The tree is already out, because we had no room for all of the kids toys. I had a good Christmas overall. But I have realized and (always known) that Christmas is not about the presents. I mean I have always known that of course. But every year has been pretty good. This year was different. The only present I really want and won't receive is for my grandmother not to be dying.
I feel so torn this week. Bart has the week off, so I have been going to my grams. Thing is I want to be there all the time, but when I am there I want to be home because I feel like a neglectful mother. I also feel bad for Bart because this is his week off. Even though he is getting a taste of what I do, day in and day out. Anyways I know my kids are little and that they won't remember, but I feel torn. I have been there a lot lately, so I have decided that tomorrow I will not go over until later like 6. It is hard. I want to be there. But I need to be here with my kids. I could never go to work now. I would miss my kids too much.
My gram still has her sense of humor. She jokes around with me, and I joke around with her. I lay with her on the bed and we talk, or she will hold my hand. I know how to move her, what medicines she has to take, what number her oxygen has to be on. I spent the night with her on Christmas Eve. I am so glad I did. Bart and I did Christmas morning on Dec. 26. so I could see the kids faces when they got up.
Well thanks for all the prayers and good thoughts I appreciate it.

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