Sunday, May 28, 2006

Missing Gram....

For some reason Sundays and sunny days make me think of my gram. I just really still can't believe that she is gone. It doesn't seem real to me. I miss her so much, and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. Numerous times I have caught myself saying "well, I'll call gram...." etc.
Sundays remind me of gram because we used to go to church together and then we would go to her house and visit. When I think of sunny days I think of getting ready to play softball and stopping at her house to eat and get ready. I can see it perfectly in my mind. I walk in her kitchen and she is at the stove making dinner. The sunlight is coming in the window streaming across the table and floor. I wish I could go back to that time. I wish I could and take it all in. I would appreciate and listen more. I value those times with my gram when we did nothing. Dinner, coffee, riding to the softball games together, stopping at Dunkin Donuts with her, etc. I really really can't believe that she is gone. I have such a void in my heart. When she died, I seemed ok. I didn't cry much and kept telling myself that she is no longer in pain. But that only lasts so long. It has gotten so much harder for me as time has been moving along. I haven't felt pain like this in a long time. I feel like I didn't tell her everything I wanted to. I just miss her. Nothing is the same without her.

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