Missing Gram....

For some reason Sundays and sunny days make me think of my gram. I just really still can't believe that she is gone. It doesn't seem real to me. I miss her so much, and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. Numerous times I have caught myself saying "well, I'll call gram...." etc.
Sundays remind me of gram because we used to go to church together and then we would go to her house and visit. When I think of sunny days I think of getting ready to play softball and stopping at her house to eat and get ready. I can see it perfectly in my mind. I walk in her kitchen and she is at the stove making dinner. The sunlight is coming in the window streaming across the table and floor. I wish I could go back to that time. I wish I could and take it all in. I would appreciate and listen more. I value those times with my gram when we did nothing. Dinner, coffee, riding to the softball games together, stopping at Dunkin Donuts with her, etc. I really really can't believe that she is gone. I have such a void in my heart. When she died, I seemed ok. I didn't cry much and kept telling myself that she is no longer in pain. But that only lasts so long. It has gotten so much harder for me as time has been moving along. I haven't felt pain like this in a long time. I feel like I didn't tell her everything I wanted to. I just miss her. Nothing is the same without her.

My day so far...

Last night Meghan had a hard night. She slept great from like 8:30-2am Then she was up and she was so restless. Bart finally got her back to sleep.
Caleb and Meghan got up this morning, and so far they have taken about half of the diapers out of the bins on their changing table and spread them all on the floor, taken my wooden calendar and knocked it down with all the little wood pieces all falling out, Caleb opened the dishwasher and then also hit cancel during a cycle so I had to do them twice, and at lunch Meghan thinks its a great idea to dump her lunch plate upside down. I can't help but look forward to nap time. Even then you are never guaranteed that they will sleep.
Calgone, take me away!

It sucks!

So my gram's house is for sale. Which means that there is a big fat realtor sign on her front lawn. I am glad that I knew about it before I drove by there. I really still can not fathom the fact that she is gone, and that her house will no longer be a place to go.
It sucks, it sucks, it sucks. I try to avoid driving by there when I can. But this is reality right? Her burial is June 9th.

Happy Birthday to Caleb & Meghan

At 2:44 am Caleb Stephen was born weighing in at 8lbs 1oz and 19 inches long. One minute later at 2:45 am Meghan Shirley was born weighing in at 6lbs 6oz and 19 inches long. Today they are 2 years old! I can't believe it.

Time seems to have gone so fast, yet at times seems so slow. It has gotten easier and I love being a mother more and more each day. Happy 2nd Birthday to my babies!! Wahhhh!

Two years ago today I was being induced. I went in at 8 am, but didn't really start being induced until about 10 am. Then I pretty much waited. When the contractions started getting worse I asked for an epidural. They came in pretty quick and my Dr was glad I was having one in case I needed an emergency c-section. Bart and my sister Nikki were there. We just waited and waited. They finally broke my water, which is the weirdest feeling! Soon it was late night and I hadn't moved past 6cm so they my Dr said that if I was the same in an hour that I would have a c-section.
To finish tomorrow on Caleb and Meghan's Birthday!

Ponderings

Do the celebrities that endorse the hair dyes, etc actually use them? I highly doubt it. I go to a salon for my hair. I don't want to screw it up with something OTC. So I highly doubt that Teri Hatcher touches up her hair with Loreal' or whatever.

Does Katie Holmes not talk now...? It seems that Tom Cruise does all the talking and everything else for that matter. Get out Katie!!! GO GO Hurry!!

Rants

A few things that are bugging me.

1) When you are in a store like Costco or the grocery store, walk around the store like you would drive. When going down an aisle go on the side you would drive on! Irritating!

2) If you are an employee of a clothing store or restaurant for that matter, remember that this is YOUR job. So if I need help with clothes or am placing an order could you not act like I am bothering you? If you hate your job and it shows, GET ANOTHER JOB!!!!

Ok, I feel better. I had to run errands today and Bart actually took a day off and watched the kids. Of course the kids are perfect for him. He talked and talked about what a great day it was. What I wanna know is when is he going to really see what it is like for me? You know when they are fighting, or crying, or whining and hanging on my leg, or when they open the fridge 50 times. WHEN!!???
When I did talk to Bart he asks me what should I feed them for dinner. Um I don't know maybe food? Come on! He acts like he has never watched them. He knows what they like to eat. Ok, maybe I should consider going back on Zoloft! LMAO

Pics

This is Nikki, Lindsay, my mom, and Me at Lindz's graduation!

Here she is the new college grad!

Graduations

I am so glad this weekend is over. I dreaded it. It was graduation weekend for my sister and sister in law. So Saturday started out with Bart leaving to go to his sisters graduation. I got up and got the kids ready and took them to my sisters graduation party. I dreaded it because I would have no help. My mother assured me that there would be plenty of people to help me. But no like the help I need. Yes they play with Caleb or Meghan etc. But I was constantly asking "where is Caleb??" Meghan of course was attached at my hip. Anyways it wasn't overall that bad. But how is it that I always watch the kids. Why couldn't Bart had taken one and dealt? Because that is what mothers do I guess.
I did get a break Sunday. I drove to Keene, NH to see my little sis graduate. Graduations are SO BORING! I hate any graduation. But I did enjoy riding down with my mom and Nikki. I am so proud of Lindsay. She has come a long way since her (as we say) "blue sweatshirt" days. Lindsay used to be very self conscious and even a little depressed. She really has changed. A lot for the better! Now she is one hot mama! She flaunts what she's got. I really admire her. She worked hard at college and many times like myself felt like quitting. She made it! She wants to teach high school. God knows why! But she can do it. She definitely holds her own.
So after the long ass graduation Nikki and I went to Longhorn. We noticed that we were eating fast. We aren't used to eating without kids!! Then we hit Target! We don't have one in VT of course. So we were there for a while. I love Target!
Today I went grocery shopping with the kids and my gram. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able too. Gram takes one, and I take the other. They were pretty good, as long as they were eating. Kind of like me! LOL
I'll be back to post pics of my sis in her graduation get-up!